What Not To Do While Making A Sincere Apology8 min read
Apologizing is a way of expressing deep regret for your misdeed done knowingly or unknowingly that might have hurt others physically, emotionally or in any other way possible. It also contains an unsaid promise that the same kind of misdeed won’t happen again, at least not deliberately.
“Sorry” is one of the most commonly used words by people these days. We are taught when and how to use this word from the beginning of our lives. As frequently as people use it, they seldom mean it. It has become more of a formality to apologize after you do something wrong or to be more precise, you do something that is wrong in the eyes of others; you can obviously secretly disagree with the notion entirely.
It’s a world full of smart people. They easily understand when an apology is true or just an act to evade consequences. Hence it has become extremely important to master the art of apologizing when and if you actually mean it. If in case, you do not mean to apologize for real, you can skip the rest of the post and do something better with your time. The purpose here is to help those make their apology count who really mean it and have it accepted, if possible.
In this fast track world, people make some silly mistakes while apologizing that should be avoided in all circumstances and are explained below:
- Apologizing via messaging: Instant messaging has become a necessity in our everyday lives. People have started to discuss the most serious issues via WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger or other instant messaging programs. But I am sorry to tell you that apology isn’t one of those messages that can be conveyed properly via messaging. If you have done a mistake, be ready to face the person for real to whom you intend to apologize. Sending a message for the same just isn’t good enough.
- Apologizing through a mutual friend: Another variety of cowards are those who choose to apologize through a middleman. This is again something that shouldn’t be done if you really feel that you have done something terrible. When you are in front of that person, your expressions and body language speak more than your words about how sorry you are even if you fall short of words. So never take the mutual friend approach.
- Apologizing after an explanation: Some people are so helplessly engrossed in their ego that they find it really hard to accept that they did something wrong. So they decide to give a long explanation first about the circumstances that lead to their misdeed and then if the other person is still somehow interested in listening to what they have to say, they give something which may be termed as an apology. It is important to make up your mind whether you understand that you have made a mistake or not and then apologize. Otherwise, it would be better to just give up the whole idea of apologizing.
- Apologizing as a favor: Here is an even worse kind of egoists who somehow deduce that they are doing somebody a favor by way of apologizing. They are of the mindset that they really didn’t do anything wrong but just out of their greatness, they chose to apologize. Well, sorry to burst your bubble but if you are doing a favor to anybody, it’s you. So keep this in mind till your last breath and remember that if you have made a mistake, apologizing for it won’t make you any smaller than you already are.
- Apologizing and justifying: This is a special breed of self-righteous people who are actually a mixture of the above two and then something more. They have the guts to justify their each and every act, no matter how others may feel about them. They start with a justification of their misdeed and somewhere in the middle, there might be the slightest bit of apology hidden in that justification. In fact, such people can’t really be changed; they are simply helpless. Avoid this kind of apology if you can or else just wish that the person you are apologizing to has a really big heart.
- Apologizing in next birth: Yes it’s an exaggerated way of saying that some people take so long to apologize that the other person has most certainly given up on them by then. They go through a few stages before they decide to apologize. Here are those stages:
- Stage 1: First they are sure that they have done nothing wrong and the other person totally deserved what they did to him.
- Stage 2: Now they are thinking and telling the world around them that they have learned a new lesson about how they should have done the same thing a long time ago and from now on, they will do exactly that. This is actually their way of self-justifying their mistake.
- Stage 3: Now the guilt starts to creep in a bit but they keep ignoring it by telling themselves that they have always been right and they do not need to undo what they have done. This can also be called the ignorance stage where they choose to ignore their inner voice which is telling them to do the right thing.
- Stage 4: The last and final stage where the feeling of guilt becomes intolerable because a part of them has always known what they did was wrong and they should certainly do something to make up for it. This is when they decide to apologize, finally! If you are one of those, never ever make any of the above mistakes. No messaging, no explanations or justifications or say anything sort of doing somebody a favor. Try to apologize in person or at the very least, make a phone call right away and speak your heart out (without making any of the above mistakes of course).
- Apologizing and then making another mistake: There are some over-confident people who while apologizing say some things which they really don’t mean just so that their apology is accepted, like telling the other person to scold or say anything he wants in return for the acceptance of an apology. Most of the times, they are simply bluffing and if by any chance, the other person chooses to call their bluff, everything just falls apart for them. They are not really prepared for being scolded or listening to anything rude in response to their mistake and start arguing back, thereby making yet another mistake for which they might have to apologize again, maybe in the next birth.
If you genuinely feel guilty about doing something wrong, apologize in the best way you can and be prepared for being snapped at because everybody is not so good at forgiving quickly. But if you really feel remorse about doing something wrong, you will get the forgiveness you deserve sooner or later.
However, if you are one of those who never show the guts to take responsibility for their mistakes, be aware that your apology may not be accepted when you will need it the most.