How To Better Understand Your Procrastination
I have known this since as long as I can remember that I rank quite higher in the league of procrastinators. But recently, I surprised myself by surpassing my own personal record. For months, I have been stuck in a rut.
The Problem — How It Managed To Propagate And Evolve
Initially my problem was that I used to lose motivation as I went from getting an idea to planning, and then finally to execution stage. But there used to be some juice left during execution. And now, it looks like I am well aware from the moment I get a new idea that I am never actually going to work for it.
Last year, I planned to start a YouTube channel so I can start sharing my ideas through video. I thought it would be a more effective and interesting way to publish information and it would go faster from ‘an idea’ to the ‘execution’ stage. But the process of learning to shoot professionally and the editing the footage turned out time consuming. So then I decided to work on a different kind of YouTube channel exclusively for the purpose of learning to shoot and edit. And that’s how Lives Unhyped came to life.
It wasn’t great but it was a good learning experience to start with. And I could see I was already far ahead of many old YouTube channels in terms of video and editing quality. But the best part was — I came across YouTube channels of some dope professional photographers, filmmakers and editors. Therefore, it was not all in vain.
What Made it Worse?
The second wave of COVID in India brought the whole thing to a halt as I got infected. I couldn’t edit a video we shot in the month of April’21. Moreover, our upcoming guests started having second thoughts about shooting in the middle of the pandemic. But by that time, I thought I had a good reason to not pursue it any further and take a much needed break.
The real problem began after that. I don’t know whether it was one of the side effects of COVID or just my ever evolving habit of procrastinating, but that break did nothing to re-energize me. As time passed, I realized that my habit of delaying and postponing things had only become more consistent.
And Then I Realized…
And then came the era of realizations that made things worse than they actually were. I realized that I initially intended this blog to act as a journal. I remember attending a virtual meeting with the developers at Addthis. I think they were in the early stages on bringing a Google Adsense-like publisher program. One of the guys asked what the purpose of my blog was, and I said that I wanted to use it as a journal.
Today when I look at my blog, I realize it went from being a journal to a lifestyle and news website to an abandoned webpage. And the author has not written a word for close to a year. It makes me feel guilty and ashamed. I had never let the busyness of my life come in the middle of things I do for pleasure. And writing has always given me great pleasure.
And Finally — The Solution!
After pondering over things for millions of hours, trying to figure out how best to deal with this time loop in my quantum realm, I am finally able to make sense of things. And the gist is — my procrastination is like my friend with benefits. It is okay to have it around when I am feeling low and looking to take a break. But I am sleeping around with this friend even when I should be focusing on more important things. And all this is turning into a guilty pleasure.
This is not the kind of friend who’d tell you to get up and work because that is exactly what you should be doing. This is a friend you need to have around only to have fun with.
And the lesson is — I am done enjoying fun nights with this ‘fun friend’. And now that the guilt of being complacent is making me feel miserable, it is best to stop seeing this friend for a while. So my dear procrastination, I know you know no bounds. Let us take a break from each other before our beautiful relationship turns toxic and ruins one of us. And we both know that is going to be me!