How To Be Happy Alone: Just Be Awesome!
There was a time in my life when I had nobody to support me. I was alone and helpless, grieving over things that I thought mattered the most, disappointed in people whose presence at times like those I had taken for granted. My expectations from them were so high that they had turned into beliefs. Little did I know that the world doesn’t work like that, it never did. Nobody showed up to lend a hand to lift me up from the pit of darkness and hopelessness. I thought I was helpless but I never figured that this was exactly the help I needed at that time – to be left alone to fight on my own with the circumstances I was in, because of my own actions.
“Karma is a bitch”, they say. I disagree. Karma is a much-needed experience of being served with what you truly deserve and in my case, a kick in the guts to wake me up from the deep sleep of delusion and face reality as if I had opened my eyes for the first time to see things for what they really are – harsh and ruthlessly pragmatic. The resentment I felt for those I had expected to be on my side slowly faded into nothingness and I was left with nothing but enlightenment which was going to help me a lot in the pursuit of fulfilling my life’s dreams, this time, on my own without a second thought.
Life has its unique ways of teaching those who are not wise enough to perceive things the way they are instead of what they should be, for their own emotional comfort. It seemed like a big deal at that time but it was just a reality check I was faced with. I learned to stop being pathetic, being at somebody else’s mercy.
I realized that when people say they like you, they are talking about your outer cover. It has nothing to do with your true self or inner soul. Nobody cares about a man who exhibits all his secrets out in the open. It is the curiosity to know things about you that keep them coming after you. The anticipation of what it would be like to be with you, to know you more and to have the secrets of your life revealed page by page is what makes you interesting. This is exactly what makes you likable and lovable.
Who will watch a movie that is predictable from the first frame till the last? Your life is one such movie. It is up to you to make it unpredictable or boring. You are never in a position to blame someone else for the consequences of your own actions. Whatever you get, you totally deserve it. If anyone can ensure you don’t get hurt again, it is only you. If you delegate this power to somebody else, you are just getting ready to receive a painful kick in your balls.
I learned to differentiate between what I really need and what I had fooled myself into believing I needed, just to be surrounded by people whose company I was used to be in, by trying to gain some sympathy for my sufferings, which were really nothing I couldn’t handle on my own.
Habit is a poisonous thing. It makes you weak and helpless. I learned to eliminate the habit of trying to be with people instead of walking on my own, which was inevitable nonetheless. Once I did that, I realized I didn’t really need anyone to do what I had to do. I was capable of doing it anyway.
At this point, I learned to let go. And letting go was all I did for a while. I used to be afraid of being alone because it made me feel pathetic, but once I saw people for who they really were, I started yearning to be alone.
I made myself a promise to never let me be pathetic again and do everything in my power to keep myself from things that undermine my own interests and I have every intention to fulfill that promise. When you truly love someone, you can go to any lengths to fulfill the promises you have made to them and if there is any person that I truly love, it’s me. Who better understands your emotional needs than yourself and why rely on others when the only person who is going to stay by your side in the time of need is you.
Once you learn to live on your own, you start being interesting to people again. Just think about it – There is a man who has everything he needs and he seems to know how to get what he wants without any external help. Who wouldn’t find him interesting? The suspense of his life’s movie starts attracting people and they wouldn’t want to leave him alone even if he wants them to. But beware, as this is the same trap you fell into the first time. It is best to ignore what they are interested in and focus on what you want instead.
The lesson life has taught me is that being alone is not being helpless and pathetic, it is, in fact, being awesome instead. And you don’t have to be Barney Stinson to know how to be legendary and awesome.