Stop.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

Everybody likes to be appreciated and this desire affects our decisions – to a greater extent in some than others.

And that’s natural.

The problem arises when it starts leading to stress and dissatisfaction, or worse, it starts controlling your actions.

Appreciation is like fool’s gold. It may seem useful when it incites action, but it eventually takes away your sense of purpose.

Due to your need for recognition and affirmation from others, you may constantly strive to be appreciated instead of focusing on adding true value to your own life.

Hell breaks loose when your efforts go unnoticed as it leads to disappointment and low self-esteem.

The key is to realize when such desires drive your actions.

You must pause and reflect on why you feel the need to be appreciated and liked.

Then move on to finding a greater purpose for doing what you do – a purpose that has nothing to do with how people perceive you.

Accept that you can’t control others’ perceptions. This will shift your focus to your actions and intentions rather than the outcomes.

Be grateful for what you have instead of constantly wishing for others’ privileges.

This helps reduce the need for external validation and teaches you to be accountable for your choices and decisions by making you self-aware.

Letting go of seeking validation has surprising long-term benefits. You find a sense of inner peace and contentment leading to personal growth.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does appreciation drive your actions – 1 being not at all and 10 being you won’t do it if nobody is there to appreciate?

if only they have enough time.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

Everybody has a dream that they want to come true before they die.

It could be a dream house, traveling to a dream destination or working on a dream project.

When we start our careers, we are full of energy and enthusiasm. We talk of changing the world to our liking and eventually achieving whatever we set our eyes on.

As time passes, many of us conclude that the struggle of life really breaks us and causes us to lose that zeal and motivation to work for our dreams.

Moreover, after a certain point, we are stuck in our ways – it becomes harder to switch careers or make a substantial change in our routine.

This is when people start complaining that although they do intend to work for something they want, they just don’t have the time.

This may sound relatable but is never true!

As Dan Koe puts it, “If you can spend 8 hours building someone else’s dreams, you can spend 1 hour building your own.”

The problem is when it comes to our dreams, we need instant results, which is impossible because those results may require years of consistent efforts.

So, instead of working consistently on something we love, we continue to work on what we have been working on for years because now it’s producing results – even though those are not exactly what we want.

So, we choose to compromise.

No wonder most people die never having worked for a dream they once had, let alone achieving it.

And the ones who make it are predictably the ones who just couldn’t let go.

They couldn’t just accept giving up on their dreams for any reason whatsoever.

So, they wake up an hour early and sleep an hour late, let go of all forms of temporary entertainment and turn ‘working on their dream’ into their pastime.

They continue to do this consistently for years – putting in work, letting it compound over time until the snowballing effect takes over and they make the leap.

And the funniest part is – the people who never did so look at them and call them lucky and privileged, because this shifts the blame to things they can’t control – luck and privilege.

If you have a dream, which I’m sure you have, don’t wait for the right moment, the right amount of time, or the right circumstances to start working on it.

Just start.

The longer you wait the more pissed off you’re gonna be in your old age and the more regrets you accumulate for your deathbed.

What’s stopping you from chasing yours?

is not what you think.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

Research suggests that money drives happiness only up to a certain point and after that, you no longer feel happier when you earn more and spend more.

People spend hours working hard to make as much money as they can, and then they spend it on things that should ideally bring them fulfilment.

And in this chase for money, they continue to lose touch with activities that don’t directly contribute to making more money like watching their favorite show, playing their favorite boardgame, or spending time with their friends and family.

As you earn more, your time becomes expensive, which means if you spend an hour not doing something that can potentially make you a thousand dollars, you’re losing a thousand dollars.

The more you obsess over this, the less time you spare for those silly things.

A friend of mine recently built a new house cum office. When he was shopping for lights, the seller suggested some modern lights that could change colors and intensity depending on what mood one chooses.

He straightaway denied remarking that I’d like to spend that time on my business instead of learning to operate some modern lights.

This may sound like a growth mindset to some but it’s far from it.

The value of learning something new and training those curiosity muscles of your brain can beat making more money any day.

In fact, the real growth mindset would be not just spending all your time making more money but doing the opposite – spending money to buy time for activities that help you learn something new and get better at something you were not.

So, if you have enough money, the best thing you can buy for yourself is time.

Delegate or outsource tasks that don’t add value to your personality and use that free time to learn new things or relive experiences that you know you love.

If you can think of a more fulfilling investment, feel free to enlighten me.

What’s the one thing you’ve spent money on that made you feel happy and fulfilled?

Your purpose needs to be bigger than making money.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

Charlie Munger, the Vice Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway once said,

“Money only matters to people who don’t have it. Once you have enough to be comfortable, your work needs to be about something more.”

It aptly suggests having a healthy relationship with money.

When you don’t have money, it rightly becomes a primary concern so you can pay your bills.

However, once you reach a level of financial comfort, the importance of money diminishes unless you are obsessed with making more or worse, making the most.

It’s important to find purpose and fulfilment in your work and money can’t give you those.

Pursuing passions, contributing to causes you care about and making a positive impact in your community can make you feel richer than any billionaire out there.

Studies show that after a certain point, more money doesn’t significantly increase happiness. Instead, meaningful work and strong relationships contribute more to your sense of fulfilment.

This starts by reflecting on what truly matters to you – identifying your core values and using them to guide your life choices including career.

Setting goals that align with your values and passions is the next wise step. These could be related to personal development, helping others, or creating something new.

Meanwhile, pursuing your passions and hobbies can bring joy and satisfaction beyond what money can provide.

And lastly, surround yourself with people who inspire and uplift you.

Do you believe that more money means more happiness?

They’re just looking for favors.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

There comes a time when your efforts compound over time and you start experiencing breakthroughs.

Your strategies shift and you realize that a lot starts to happen without trying too hard.

People are drawn naturally to you, and you start getting opportunities to show your work.

At this point, if you look at your old friends who are far behind in their journeys, you’d see them stuck in loops.

They’re making the same mistakes on repeat, not doing what needs to be done, and blaming their failure on uncontrollable factors like the government’s policies, their upbringing, education and so on.

If you’ve got to define them in one word, you’d say losers.

I’ve been warned against keeping friendships with losers several times in my life and I ignored this advice every single time.

And I will always do the same. Here’s why:

They became your friends when you were a nobody.

Yes, you’ve come a long way while they haven’t. Everybody has a different pace and trajectory.

This doesn’t make it okay to leave them behind and shake hands with people at your own level or higher.

Yes, it’s okay to make deals with them and have mutually beneficial collaborations but they aren’t your friends.

In fact, you don’t matter to them as much as your work does.

The moment what you do is no longer profitable for them, there is no reason for them to stick around.

And you need true friends the most when you hit a low. These losers are more likely to be there for you then.

And moreover, your friends reflect who you are. If they seem like losers today, this means you were one too in the past.

And I don’t see how anybody can be a better friend than your past self.

How many real friends do you have?

because you’re worth a lot more.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

It’s easy to mix up your career and your identity, but they are not the same.

Yor career is what you do for work. It’s your job or profession.

It involves the tasks you perform and the skills you use to earn a living.

On the other hand, your identity is who you are as a person.

It’s shaped by your values, beliefs, and experiences.

It includes your personality, your interests, your relationships, and your life experiences.

It’s much broader than where you work.

Why is it important to understand this difference?

Many tie their self-worth to their jobs. You are valuable not just because of what you do, but because of who you are.

And this works both ways.

You’d find people who are so nice and kind but underestimate their worth just because they don’t make enough money.

And then there are also people who lack simple etiquette, act rude, behave like they’re above the definition of a human being, only because their bank balance is in six or seven digits.

Such people are unreliable, untrustworthy, and live a persona designed to cover their insecurities. Simply put, they lack self-awareness.

Recognizing your true worth helps you do justice to who you are. It helps you maintain a healthy balance between work and personal life.

It helps you prioritize your hobbies, relationships, and self-care.

Most importantly, it helps you understand that you don’t lose your identity if you happen to lose a job or change careers.

Because your core values and beliefs remain the same and are there to help you stay resilient during transitions.

What’s one thing that truly defines who you are?

I promise it’s not your luck.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

Consistency is a tricky thing. It can take you from mediocrity to greatness but only if it’s accompanied by intent. Let me explain.

Have you heard someone complain that they feel stuck despite working hard consistently for years?

And you wonder why they’re stuck when others who started with them and didn’t work as hard are far ahead.

Is it sheer luck? Not really.

Some people, although hardworking and consistent, lack intent which shows in their approach.

When something is not working, it doesn’t mean you keep pushing against the wall until it moves.

If you really want to get somewhere, you need to be a bit experimental.

It doesn’t mean you keep switching careers every six months, but you need to try new ways to do the same thing and learn a thing or two along the way.

That’s how you develop new skills, which are reflected in the quality of your work.

And when that quality starts meeting the demand, you start hitting milestones.

Consistency means building over things you already have and piling up those layers until they are high enough to help you rise.

What’s one new thing you are consistently working on that you weren’t before?

because not everything that sounds smart is sane.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

Have you ever come up with a great idea, explained it to your family and asked, “So, what do you think?”, even though nobody listening is equipped to answer this?

Family is your safe space so no harm in doing so regardless of their response.

But the problem begins when you start asking random people for feedback because no matter if it’s good or bad, it won’t be beneficial.

If you’re being stupid, getting the advice to ‘go for it’ can be disastrous.

Similarly, your brilliant ideas could be shot down by a bunch of rudimentary experts.

The key is to filter out advice and take it only from people who have been where you are and done what you intend to do.

Like a wise person aptly said:

“Avoid constructive feedback from people who’ve never constructed anything.”

What’s one piece of advice that has been pivotal in your journey so far?

Ignore both.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

People will always have opinions about what you do and how you do it.

While some will cheer you on, some will try to bring you down.

Your common sense does take over eventually and you learn to ignore the negative comments.

And why not, if you won’t believe in your actions enough, what else is there to keep you going?

On the other hand, there are people who are all praises for you.

They make you feel good about what you do and can function as the right push when you feel low or stuck.

You need more people like them in your life, don’t you?

You shouldn’t. Here’s why:

When what people say about you starts playing a role in your approach, you are making yourself vulnerable.

Imagine building a beautiful house of your dreams with your hard work and patience, and then handing over the keys to someone who really admires you.

Doesn’t make much sense now, does it?

People will always have opinions – both good and bad. But those have nothing to do with your journey, which is uniquely yours and yours only.

Nobody is better qualified than you to give an expert opinion on living your life.

Don’t lose control of what you are building just because of favorable opinions.

Don’t let opinions count; instead, focus on what matters to you and make decisions that align with your goals and values.

Make a life that you love, not one they like. And remember, the only approval you need is your own.

Have you ever made life decisions based on someone else’s opinion? How did it turn out for you?

But most are already doing it.

Dear Authentic Introvert,

I know you won’t knowingly choose to run on such a treadmill, which has no end and never tells you – ‘It’s enough’.

The endless feeling of lacking and assuming it will go away by making more money is a similar pursuit.

You constantly think that if you had more money, you’d be happy. But when your income increases, somehow, it’s never quite enough.

That’s because you really aren’t after just cash – it’s what you think money gives, like happiness pr security.

Here’s something that no one wants to admit:

That perfect level of wealth where everything feels great doesn’t exist.

Like a mirage, the more you chase it, the more it seems to slip away.

And deep down, we’re all looking for something that money can’t buy.

But what if you decide to hop off that treadmill? Set a point where you say – “I don’t need more”, then shift gears to focus on relationships, new skills, or your hobbies.

These can make you feel truly rich without adding a single penny more to your bank account.

We know by now that life is about the journey, so it only makes sense to enjoy the ride and focus on adding as much fun to it as possible.

What truly brings you joy in your journey?