Is it okay to pretend to be an extrovert?

The ethical dilemma of behaving like someone you’re not.

YouTube often suggests videos with titles like ‘how to become an extrovert’, and ‘how to be more extroverted’.

Once you realize that introversion and extroversion are inherent personality traits and not skills that can be learned, you find such topics bizarre.

But the fact is that introverts can potentially alter their behavior to fit social situations.

To what extent and for how long is a different matter.

In 1970, a psychologist named Mark Snyder introduced the terms high self-monitoring and low self-monitoring individuals to describe this extent.

These define how well an introvert can monitor their behavior and adjust to adapt to social settings.

High self-monitoring introverts are more skilled at doing so and can read social cues to modify their actions accordingly.

They can be so flexible that they can act extroverted, when necessary, even if it doesn’t align with their natural inclinations.

They are also great at mimicking behaviors and emotions to seem more empathetic.

However, such introverts often seek advice and approval from others and their behavior is influenced by the social environment.

Expectedly, low self-monitoring introverts are more consistent in their behavior regardless of the social context.

They are more driven by their internal beliefs and feelings.

These introverts value authenticity, are introspective and more reflective.

However, they find social situations challenging because they lack adaptability and may come across as rigid or socially awkward.

Both kinds of introverts have their pros and cons – while one seems more adaptable, the other is more authentic.

Although low-monitoring introverts may seem better from an ethical point of view, the high-monitoring introverts just have a stronger intent to adapt to social environment and not to fake behavior to take advantage.

If you’re wondering, I belong to the low self-monitoring category as I find adapting to social situations highly stressful.

You can check where you lie on the self-monitoring scale here.