I never really depended on the existence of a supreme power to guide me, all thanks to you. When I had you, I felt no need to look into so-called spiritual aspect of the universe. I think it would have complicated my life while things between you & I have been so simple. I like it about us.
Just wanted to say, I miss you! Not that I am complaining, because I know you are around. And looking at our long history, I trust you more than anything or anybody else. You always find a way to bring a smile on my face.
I was 10 but I still remember that night when I was upset for being forced to sleep early, as usual, by turning the lights off for next day’s school. After everybody was asleep, I looked at the night bulb and spoke in a loud enough volume, “Wow! Everybody is asleep but I am still awake.” Nobody moved and I smiled like an idiot at the whole situation. That was how easy you were.
I hadn’t done homework and I was sure to be beaten up by the teacher. I found that one friend who was in the same boat as me and sat with him the whole day, just to feel it’s OK, two were better than one. When the time came, the teacher didn’t show up. I still can’t think of anything else that can make me half the happy today as I was that day.
I find it amusing how excited I was those strange things I used to keep in a polybag. Cells, wires, batteries, LEDs, soldering iron motors, magnets, marbles and a number of similar stuff. I could play with that continuously for hours without a break because you were there all along. I still have some of that stuff, in case you are wondering.
Then came the time when I had to change city, school, friends – almost everything and everybody that was giving me a sense of familiarity. But in the middle of everything, you were there with me. I found new friends, did stupid things, made fun of them and embarrassed myself many times, only to make more memories that can still make me burst out with laughter. Thank you!
And how can I forget that night with my cousins, the last time we had a real get together with no hidden agenda in anybody’s mind. Everybody was so into having fun with each other with no grudges and in their most stupid selves. I can never forget that dance which made us believe my cousin was not gonna stop until he literally pushed the wall away that night. You and I were on fire.
Then came the college days. We experienced some turbulence initially but got along pretty well for the whole 4 years. I will always be grateful for I could find you in about every activity those days – movies, computers, games, comics, novels, conversations… You name it and I was super happy doing all those things.
How can I forget those years of struggle? I was making big plans and failing big time as if I was spending most of my time planning my next big disappointment. But I was able to bear all that without breaking down… The direct and indirect support from my cousin, family and friends deserve a special mention here. Most importantly, you never really left me even in the darkest of times.
I remember taking long walks on the roads of a city that never sleeps and is the most lively at night, Mumbai. Those daily journeys in local trains and BEST buses, getting familiar with the whole Western line, using m-indicator to find bus numbers and routes – everything played a crucial role in shaping me.
This was probably the time I learnt to truly cherish and value you because I had figured out you were the real reason behind all my motivation, positivity and persistence. I never used to mind getting two and a half hours sleep, standing all day without a break, surviving on a single meal, still walking uncounted miles without feeling tired because I was happy doing all these things. Even that creep I met in the bus from Infinity Mall to Andheri Station makes me smile today. Great times!
I also figured that sharing you with other people was a way to keep you for longer. I started observing those strangers in trains and buses, tried to know the spot boys, Make-up Dada, artists and others during the shoots. I realized how a nice greeting, pep talk and even a smile used to make their and my day. I confess I was served extra coffees for that kind of behaviour at times but that made me feel your presence even stronger.
This was also the time I came across some strangers who were going through tough times in their own lives and badly needed some positivity. I was happy and lucky to be able to lend some because I was probably overflowing with it. I will always be proud of myself that I could give them that temporary but badly needed push to bring them out of their life’s darkness, and I never even had to meet most of them. They are not in touch but I hope they are doing good in their lives. Again, a big thank you!
I used to think that I had everything I needed and if only I would start earning good money, my life would be complete. Man… how wrong I was! The happiness I used to feel eating that Rs. 8 worth of Vada Pav with Rs. 5 worth of Limbu-paani can never be felt again sitting in fancy places eating the most expensive food.
I may sound paranoid but sometimes I feel money only brought chaos to my life. Things were sorted until I used a credit card. What makes me happy today are more or less the same things that made me happy then.
What makes me sad is, I will never be able to relive most of those moments. Life has moved on and so has everybody else. What is still with me is the memory of all the happy times. I feel this should be enough to keep me going.
In the end, I would like to compliment you on your ability to make people seem beautiful. Those smiling faces always give me hope and positivity I need in daily life, no matter what I am going through. And this also makes me believe that you are always around, in form of smiles, giggles and laughters… Even if it’s not always me whom they are coming from.
Take your time, I’ll be here for you like you have been there for me.
“Dear happiness, I truly love you!“