if you are with them.

Kindness is a two-way street.

We often complain that people are not kind anymore but for others, we are also those exact people.

However, we have this inherent tendency to understand our faults better to the point where they don’t seem like faults anymore.

And the lack of kindness is one such thing.

We judge people all the time – without knowing fully where they come from and what they have been through.

We take an idealistic standpoint when we are discussing how someone else must behave in a certain situation.

But when it comes to our own irrational behavior, we believe we are entitled because of the unique challenges and trauma we’ve faced in the past.

We know very well what’s the right thing to do in any situation as long as it’s about someone else.

We have a habit of seeing the good in ourselves and the faults in others.

On that note, let me switch from “we” to “you” because I’m not really talking about myself but other people.

So, kindness is like cleanliness.

If everybody makes sure the street in front of their house stays clean, you will see a clean city.

But if you think that you can keep throwing your garbage on the street

while others continue to clean their part of the street and yours too,

you’re being unreasonable.

If you want people to stop judging you, you need to stop judging even that last single person you think is an exception.

If you want people to be kind to you for no reason, start being kind to people – every single one of them, no matter what.

What goes around comes around.

Nothing that happens to you is unfair.

You had it coming.

You deserve it.

Learn to take responsibility for what happens to you so you can control it.

Otherwise, you can keep complaining and pointing fingers at others, but nothing will change.

Change your mindset and the world will change – at least for you.

and requires a lot of effort.

Lately I’ve come across many people stressing the importance of being self-aware.

However, most were more concerned about others than themselves.

I was a bit surprised at first but upon contemplating, I figured out why this is the case.

It all comes down to one’s basic instinct of finding solace by seeing faults in others.

Because there are two common ways you can feel good about yourself:

• By focusing on your own qualities

• By discussing other’s faults (and secretly feeling good that you don’t have them)

Most of us do a bit of both.

Bu when it comes to self-awareness, we underestimate how much effort and thinking it requires.

This is because we do a lot of things without actively thinking about them.

For instance, you might be discussing with someone how your friends are always gossiping – without realizing that discussing this is an act of gossiping too.

Similarly, when we complain that somebody else lacks self-awareness, we are completely oblivious of the fact that we are no different. We just lack it in a different area of our life.

Ironically, thinking that you are self-aware while others are not, is often a sign of your lack of self-awareness. (Read that again.)

Monitoring other people is a waste of time because you could have utilized it reflecting on your own behavior and realizing how disconnected from reality your sense of awareness can be.

Moreover, finding faults in others doesn’t add any actual value to your own life apart from giving a temporary boost to your ego.

So, if you really care about self-awareness, the best person to start with is yourself.

And if you feel you don’t need it then you definitely do.

Keep learning – more about yourself than others!

The ethical dilemma of behaving like someone you’re not.

YouTube often suggests videos with titles like ‘how to become an extrovert’, and ‘how to be more extroverted’.

Once you realize that introversion and extroversion are inherent personality traits and not skills that can be learned, you find such topics bizarre.

But the fact is that introverts can potentially alter their behavior to fit social situations.

To what extent and for how long is a different matter.

In 1970, a psychologist named Mark Snyder introduced the terms high self-monitoring and low self-monitoring individuals to describe this extent.

These define how well an introvert can monitor their behavior and adjust to adapt to social settings.

High self-monitoring introverts are more skilled at doing so and can read social cues to modify their actions accordingly.

They can be so flexible that they can act extroverted, when necessary, even if it doesn’t align with their natural inclinations.

They are also great at mimicking behaviors and emotions to seem more empathetic.

However, such introverts often seek advice and approval from others and their behavior is influenced by the social environment.

Expectedly, low self-monitoring introverts are more consistent in their behavior regardless of the social context.

They are more driven by their internal beliefs and feelings.

These introverts value authenticity, are introspective and more reflective.

However, they find social situations challenging because they lack adaptability and may come across as rigid or socially awkward.

Both kinds of introverts have their pros and cons – while one seems more adaptable, the other is more authentic.

Although low-monitoring introverts may seem better from an ethical point of view, the high-monitoring introverts just have a stronger intent to adapt to social environment and not to fake behavior to take advantage.

If you’re wondering, I belong to the low self-monitoring category as I find adapting to social situations highly stressful.

You can check where you lie on the self-monitoring scale here.

before others do.

When you’re chasing something unconventional, not seeing results is typical.

And because of this, nobody seems to take you seriously.

This is highly discouraging and there’s additional pressure to prove yourself.

This means you waste your energy trying to prove yourself whereas it can be utilized in doing what you’re passionate about.

That’s why your belief in your pursuits mustn’t rely on others’ opinions.

Just believe that people are stupid and move on.

And they really are – most of them at least. Look at the political leaders chosen by the majority in the greatest democracies.

Most people around you are hardwired to follow the crowd regardless of the outcome.

Another example – look at the viral reels on Instagram and channels on YouTube.

They’re pointless as they don’t add any value to people’s lives.

And yet so many people watch them like crazy while valuable content is often ignored and eventually vanishes into oblivion.

People only take notice when you relentlessly believe in your dreams and persevere irrespective of the results.

Your efforts towards your goals must provide validation instead of random strangers.

Just keep going.

which is why you need to practice it more.

There is a scarcity of people who can offer honest feedback.

Because most either don’t care enough or they lack critical thinking.

When you are a creator, being critical is both a curse and a blessing.

It can potentially cripple you by seeing so many flaws in your own work that you tend to give up.

But it can also help you notice areas of improvement that can help you get better and grow.

Thanks to the culture of pleasing people, you won’t find many critical thinkers who speak their minds in the most popular creative industry – movies.

Instead of focusing on and learning from critical feedback, the big shots from this industry invest heavily in creating a false image.

There are big PR companies that are flourishing by offering their image management services, which is just a fancy name for making someone seem what they actually aren’t.

And a big part of their job is to keep honest criticism at bay.

No wonder the quality of films has been constantly deteriorating for the past few decades.

However, the thing about this approach is that it may help you earn a few million extras for the time being, but this system is designed to eventually fail like a skyscraper with a very weak foundation.

If you want to go far and be remembered as a legend in your industry, you must be a critical thinker and welcome honest criticism from others too.

Suppressing criticism is a classic sign of incompetence and unwillingness to do better.

It suits politicians and so-called influencers but not people like you who have actual value to offer with your skills.

and unfairly ignored.

Introverts thrive in solitude.

There’s nothing that can charge you up more than sitting alone in a secluded corner lost in your own world of thoughts.

It prepares you for facing reality once again and the hope of coming back helps you get through your day.

But there are times when your mind is in such agony that even solitude can’t seem to heal you.

It could be failure, rejection, betrayal, or a traumatizing experience.

This is when self-talk comes in handy but is the most overlooked means to recover by most introverts.

You can talk yourself through all that pain, getting to its root and figure out why you feel the way you feel.

By understanding your own pattern of thinking, you can find ways to let things sink in and move on for good.

In other words, you can be your own great therapist because there’s seldom anyone else you trust more than yourself, and who understands you better.

By acting like a therapist who is looking at things objectively and is otherwise not as emotionally invested in the matter, you can start looking at things in a new light.

Sometimes this new perspective might surprise you because of how it helped you see what was right in front of you, but you were too distracted to notice.

You will need to trust yourself for the first couple of times but after that, you’ll develop a muscle for this.

And being able to come out of such situations on your own is so powerful.

I have tried this many times where I talk to myself and then provide assurance that I will get you (myself) out of this.

And I almost always do.

Sometimes it may require some more patience than usual but at the end, everything works out.

Let me know how it went the next time you do so.

It’s the world that’s blind.

Deep thinking is a skill not a lot of people have.

It involves ignoring all the noise and noticing things most others aren’t.

But those who’re part of this noisy ecosystem may find it weird

when you talk about life, purpose, knowledge, and the universe.

Because they’re discussing stock market numbers, political shifts, and economic slowdown.

It’s as if money issues matter more than knowing why we exist.

History shows that the people who’ve changed the world were never the ones who owned private jets and yachts, but the deep thinkers who couldn’t care less about the latest iPhone.

If you feel that most of the things people chase are pointless, you’re not delusional, the majority are.

Don’t let the blindness of the majority break your chain of thought.

If you feel deeply about something unconventional and uncommon, pursue it.

The future might worship your theories the way people worship ancient texts today.

and be more spontaneous.

When you focus too much on how others perceive you, your defenses take over and you start working hard to impress regardless of what you want.

You’d see people changing the way they dress, how they talk and who they spend time with just to be accepted by the people they idolize or seek validation from.

This works okay for some, especially the ones who don’t mind adopting a fake persona.

But if you’re like me, doing so suffocates you and creates a void that you can’t seem to fill.

If you absolutely must impress others, there are two ways:

• You can try to be who they like

• You can try to make them like the real you

I personally don’t choose either because I don’t care for impressions.

And you shouldn’t as well.

Because no matter which one you choose, you’d end up reducing yourself.

And these is one more [BIGGER] reason:

You never know what might impress them.

You can jump through a hundred fire hoops in a row and make them go “wow”.

The next day they see someone jumping head-first into a gutter and go “wowww”.

What would you do?

In fact, the best way is to stay as far away from such people.

Instead of impressing certain kinds of people, it’s better to spend your energy finding the ones who value you exactly – a person who reads smart emails and doesn’t seek validation.

And you find such people by being more like yourself, putting yourself out there in public and letting your admirers join your tribe.

Imagine having an audience who likes every little thing about you.

And then all you have to do is stay authentic.

Shift your focus and your life will shift for good.

A simple life can beat flashiness any given day. Just be like a silly kid!

when you can just listen.

Not focusing on being heard makes you a better listener.

People feel more valued and understood around you, which gives you an edge.

Unlike striving to speak your mind, this is not exhausting or stressful.

You feel more at peace and ironically, being a better listener exhibits your inner peace.

When you let go of the need to be heard, you get used to not dumping all the junk in your mind on someone else.

Because this may feel healthy for you but is toxic for the recipient.

On second thought, this is just as toxic for you too, if not more.

Because when you spend too much time narrating your thoughts and experiences to someone, you get addicted to doing so.

And what’s worse is that without realizing, you start sharing your darkest opinions against people who love you, care for you and have been there for you.

This darkness often stems from temporary anger.

But by letting it all out in front of someone else, you create a lasting impression in their subconscious mind of how you are not only ungrateful, but also an evil thinker.

This is certainly not true because it’s based on your reactions to extreme emotions.

This is why journals exist.

It’s a lot better to write all that junk on paper and be mindful of what’s worth sharing even with your closest confidant.

Such things can and will be used against you in future arguments, and you’d regret not being composed.

Being in control of what you share is not a personality trait but a skill that can be learnt with practice and determination.

And it’s worth it for it makes you a much better person.